I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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