Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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