If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
