Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
