Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
