Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
