The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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