I just saw a hot homeless man
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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