I can tuck mytits in my pants
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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