Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
