the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
