You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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