Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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