today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
