I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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