happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
