u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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