weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
