I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
