Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
