if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
