guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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