RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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