i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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