maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
