I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You can't special order awesome
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
