I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
