dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
