I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
