Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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