How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
