jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
