How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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