first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
