I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
