The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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