my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
