I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
