Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
