bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
