Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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