just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
