Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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