Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
