I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
