i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
