I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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