My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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