he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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