i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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