apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
