I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have feelings that need drinking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize