i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
