I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
