If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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