Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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