i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
