The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
