I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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