Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
