Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
