My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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