Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
