She said her name was "party"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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