I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
