No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you didnt know i had herpes?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
