yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
