It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
