I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
