I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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