I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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