Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
